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Accord Breakdown Log: October 25, 2003

6:00 PM Driving in, listening to 6PM news on the radio.

6:01 PM Hear funny clicking then chopping noise in car.

6:02 PM uh oh, car trouble.

6:03 PM See blog for details of critical moments

6:04 PM Take deep breath, feel fortunate to be in one piece.

6:05 PM Call AAA to report accident and have them arrange tow, even though they donít have tow authorization on Palisades Parkway. Logic: get the call in, get a ref number, start the process.

6:06 PM Find out AAA didnít renew me automatically. Get transferred to NY AAA (from NJ AAA, since the breakdown took place in NJ), ask what happened to the auto renewal (no pun intended). They have to link in the NY Club office.

6:07 PM Talk with NY AAA club rep ñ yes, we will renew you over the phone, even though we are closed, it isnít business hours. And yes, we will tell the NJ AAA that your membership is in effect. Yes, we will renew you as a Plus customer, not a regular membership. (takes about 15 minutes).

6:20 PM Both NY and NJ hang up on me, before giving me the reference number.

6:21 PM Call 911, ask for the Palisades Parkway Police, get connected, tell them where I am. Theyíll be right there, they promise.

6:24 PM Call back AAA, get hung up on after waiting about 5 minutes.

6:25 PM Call my friend in the city, get his voice mail, leave him a message explaining the circumstances and that I wonít be coming in for dinner.

7:17 PM Despite being less than a mile from the PIP Police HQ, they finally find me nearly an hour later. Very friendly PIP Police Officer tells me his wife had the same exact problem, in just about the same spot, earlier in the day. He gets quite the chuckle over this. Advises me to never buy a Ford, a Mazda, or any car whatsoever from a certain car dealer somewhere in Western NJ.

7:20 PM While waiting in the car as the PIP Officer checks my registration (that I am neither a wanted criminal in NJ, or by the Homeland Security people), cell phone rings. Who is it? Of all people, the ex, calling to give me some grief about something. How fitting, I thought. When shit happens . . . Afterward, realized I forgot to wish her a happy birthday. Oh well, I am no longer obligated to do such things.

7:25 PM PIP Officer tells me a tow truck should be there in 10 minutes, and wishes me good luck.

7:38 PM Tow truck arrives. Tells me that since I donít have a current AAA card, I must pay cash for the tow and the mileage to wherever he takes me. Next exit is only 6 miles away, and thereís a bank on the corner, he tells me.

7:39 PM On the cell again with the NJ AAA. They remember me, despite there being no ref number. They tell me to pay the guy, they will reimburse me. But they also tell me that my renewal is only good as a basic member, so the tow back home will cost me an arm, a leg, my first born male child, and a preferred position in my last will and testament.

7:40 PM At my request, he links in the NY club. After about ten minutes of discussion, he agrees that they have assured him that I am a Plus member, so yes, they will reimburse me for the whole thing, and yes, the tow back home is part of the Plus deal.

8:00 PM Arrive at the bank parking lot, get money from the ATM for the tow truck driver. $111.00 The costliest 6 miles ever. He wonít take the car off the truck until the cash is in his hand.

8:01 PM The money now in his hand, he proceeds to unload my car from his flatbed tow truck. Something tells me heís been to this bank parking lot more than a few times, with unlucky drivers in the cab of his tow truck.

8:07 PM Tow truck drives off. I call AAA NJ again, to tell them the exact address of where I am, in my deader than dead car. They promise me their tow truck will be there by 9:00 PM at the very latest.

8:15 PM I call my buddy who lives close to Augieís station, to ask if he can pick me up and give a ride home when I finally end up at Augieís. He says yes, and tells me his guess is that I wonít be there for at least two hours. Normally this is no more than a 30 minute ride, but these are exceptional circumstances.

9:02 PM I call the Jersey AAA to ask them what happened to their ìno later than 9PM tow truck. Itíll be there within 20 minutes, they promise, and, Mr. Landsman, what was that address again, where are you?

9:24 PM Again calling the NJ AAA, to see if thereís another 20 minute wait in my future. Once again they ask the address, and tell me he is on the right street, just canít find the bank. I now fear the driver is either blind, or on the wrong street. The bank is at the corner of the intersection I gave them. This is getting worrisome.

9:30 PM I spot the truck which is driving every which way but into the bank parking lot, where I am. I am unable, it turns out, to put on my flashers, as the battery seems also to be gone, in my totally dead car. So thereís no way to call attention to myself or the immobilized car.

9:34 PM After making every possible turn except the one that would get him to the bankís parking lot, the driver finally figures out how to navigate into the parking lot.
He begins the process of getting the car onto the flatbed so we can head on out.

9:51 PM We leave the bank parking lot.

9:52 PM The tow truck driver takes what seems to be a wrong turn. As I point this out to him, he turns into the parking lot of the diner across from the bank. ìLong ride back up to where youíre going, Boss. Want a soda or something? I gotta wash my hands, and Iím kinda thirsty.î He then disappears into the diner.

10:09 PM After his long ìsoda and hand washing break,î the driver hops into the cab and we head back toward Augieís. He seems to have the smell of a hamburger about his person, but maybe my olfactory senses are playing tricks on me at this point. As we drive he recounts every move from the past weekendís Jets and Giants football games. He also tells me his life story, which was actually pretty interesting.

10:56 PM We arrive at Augieís service station. I sign the paperwork, and the driver very skillfully manages to offload my car into the exact right place where it will be safe and secure to leave it overnight at Augieís. I call my buddy to tell him I am at Augieís place. No answer, two or three tries. So I call his cell phone, he answers, and tells me heís on the other line, and heíll be there in ten minutes.

11:00 PM The driver and his tow truck head out into the night. I stick the keys with a note about what happened into the slot in one of Augieís garage doors

11:04 PM My pal arrives, we drive back to my place.

11:20 PM I finally put the key in the door and arrive home.

Given that I suffered no injury except two uncomfortable tow truck rides, and that my buddy came to give me a lift home, I figure the worst is over.

And it was, until the next morning, when Augie gave me the news: after all these years and all those miles, the Accordís engine had seized; the alternator and other things had gone kerflooey in the process, and the repair would cost more than the car is worth.

Now we light a candle for the car, and life goes on. Except for the car, that is. The 1989 Black Accord's life is over.