IF
IF
IF is one of those special words. Irritating, disappointing, even phantasmagoric. The concept of IF is very curious. If this, if thatÖ. If onlyÖ If I hadÖ.
Dictionary.com lists a definition and adds that in common usage, if and whether are standard in their use to introduce a clause indicating uncertainty
It seems that IF is generally used in a wistful, speculative sense. Yet at other times the IFs are in a sense of retrospect.
The lyrics to a Tony Bennett song go like this, ìIf I ruled the world, every day would be the first day of Spring.î
Hip Hop artist Nas has his written and released his own version of the song (featuring Lauryn Hill), as has one of my favorites, Christine Lavin. Here's a definite: IF Christine Lavin puts out another CD, I will definitely buy it! That should be really be when, not if! (no ANDs or BUTs, either!)
Singer/songwriter David Gates, the meat and potatoes of the 70ís soft rock band Bread, had a big hit with a ditty entitled, IF. You can see from this link that it apparently enjoyed some popularity in Korea! You can hear it here. Apparently a legion of fans remain faithful, who still to this day cherish the entire David Gates/Bread repertoire and portfolio. Look at what a Google Search generates! There was clearly much bread (as in dough, moolah, $$$) in that bread!
Of course a favorite "IF tune" came from Fiddler On The Roof, If I Were A Rich Man. There's a song that seems as though it was the precursor to a good many similar such tunes.
Typing IF into the Google Search box turns up 8,910,000 hits (in 0.48 seconds, no less).
The New York State Lottery is using The Barenaked Ladiesítune, If I Had A Million Dollars in what seems to be pretty effective advertising campaign. It gets much notice in the creative reviews of the ad industry press. Thereís a tangential second-chance promotion built into it, as well. The spots run on radio and television, featuring average Janes and Joes singing the tune. Usually they are off-key, and laughing it up. But, as the NYS Lottery slogan goes, ìHey ñ you never know!î
And then there's Cher, wailing away, "If I Could Turn Back Time."
IF gets some very strange usage. Some, mostly those from the South or the Southwest (as opposed to the West, where they donít speak in SW drawl) make the word some sort of mix of an adjective verb-transitive, by adding ën or fun as a suffix. Rather than say, ìIf it were up to me,î these creative linguisticators prefer to say, ìIfín it were up to me,î or possibly it is, ìIffun it were up to me,î as the pronunciation.
Some people Iíve known seem unable to say IF without adding an ìuhî and a pause afterward. It goes like this: ìÖif, uh, (pause) blah blah blah.î
There is an entire category of "What If" in the lexicon. Two of those on my mind of late: What if Al Gore had won? And... What if Yankee Manager Joe Torre had let Ramiro Mendoza pitch to one more batter last October in The World Series? The world might be a different, conceivably better, place, were those two "What Ifs" a reality.
Of course, IF Iíd had something more interesting to post, I would have. But thatís just one more if.
