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As Promised, The Joke! | blog.deanland.com

As Promised, The Joke!

As Promised, The Joke!

Last time around I promised to post a joke which leaves them laughing, rolling on the floor sometimes, every time I tell it. So here goes, a written rendition of a funny story, which I can only hope translates as well to the weblog as it does as in a verbal presentation.
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This 80-something year-old man spends some time with a voluptuous young woman in her mid- to late-20ís. Heís an old geezer in his twilight years, sheís an assistant at an assisted living facility in California.

She sees him as a pleasant gentleman, nothing more. She is taken with the fact that he is actually the most polite, considerate, thoughtful man sheís ever known, but chalks that up to the fact that she comes to this in comparison to all the young men she dates, or has known through the years. Not so many years as the old man, but enough years that some tread is off those tires.

Their short-but-sweet times together are the epitome of pleasant! They go for walks, visits to museums, to movies. He often insists that they take lunch or dinner ñwhichever meal is appropriate for the timing of their outingóand he always picks up the check. No hidden agenda, no flirtation, no strings.

In fact, she comes to enjoy her times with him, even cherish them. She feels fulfilled in an intellectual and spiritual way with this old guy, completely unlike any feelings sheís ever had in the various dating, affairs, relationships sheís had in her time. No friendship with a man has ever been as nice as this!

Surprise, surprise, one afternoon the old man tells her he has a question. No strings, no demands, no problems, but would she consider marrying him? Heís old, yes, but they have something so special. And true that so far it has been just afternoons or early evenings together, but he would like to marry her. He has but limited time left, he knows, and this would bring him great joy.

She considers the offer. He is sweet, gentle, a slow-mover in his advanced years, but a really lovely and polite man. Clearly there isnít too much more time for him on this earth, so she figures, why not? He is, after all, a special man.

They drive off to Las Vegas and get married.

She drives past the strip, and he asks her which is the most lovely of all the hotels. She tells him the one sheís heard is the most lavish and beautiful, he tells her to drive right over. They arrive, he ambles over to the Registration Desk, and gets them two deluxe rooms, the best in the house. All he asks is that they be adjacent rooms, and that they have all the accoutrements. Only the best for his new bride!

They go to dinner, and then retire to their separate rooms.

Come about 1:30AM she hears a knock on the door. The adjacent room door. Wearing her nightie, she opens it, and there is the old man. ìYes,î she asks.

ìWell, now that weíre married, would it okay if I come in here with you?î he asks. His request is so sweet, so unassuming, so different from the way other men have been in her life. Well, she kind of thought this might occur, and since she does care for the old man, and they are, at this point, married, she figures why not? So she invites him in to her bed.

The man is a wonder! To her absolute and pleasant surprise, the old man is an incredible lover, very attentive, passionate, and provides her with an overwhelming, incredibly fulfilling experience. She is both stunned and thrilled! When they are through ñ45 minutes later, no 60-second quickie hereó he thanks her, kisses her goodnight, and goes to his room, back to his bed.

She lies in her bed, in this lavish room, basking in the afterglow. Wow, what a surprise, what a treat, she thinks. Who would ever have thoughtÖ

About an hour later, she hears another knock on the door, the adjacent room door, and opens it to find him there again. ìWould it be alright if I come in,î he asks.

Surprised yet again, she says yes, come on in.

They go at it again. She is amazed, stupefied! This man is a dynamo, the endurance he has. And he pleases her every which way. This time they have a session lasting about 90 minutes. She canít believe the way he makes her feel. This is like finding the ultimate man! After the 90 minutes of passion (shooting stars, violins, bells, the earth moved), he kisses her goodnight, thanks her, and goes off to sleep in his room. She closes the door, goes back to her bed, thinking she canít ever recall such a night like this in her life. Oh, the lovemaking!

She falls asleep quickly, tired from the expenditure of energy and emotion of the two visits from her new, elderly husband. She falls asleep in a matter of minutes, feeling satisfied, fulfilled, spent.

Before she can fully enter the REM sleep stage, she hears a knock at the door. The adjacent room door.

Dragging herself out of bed, she opens it up, and there he is again. ìNow that weíre married, is it okay for me to come in here with you now,î he asks, looking at her with adoration in his eyes.

ìWell, yeah, sure,î she says, ìbut I would have thought that after the first two visits, youíd be getting your sleep for the night, dear.î

ìI was here before?î he asks.

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If I get enough (measurement of "enough" determined by yours truly) positive response to this, I might just create a joke section in the Stories folder here in the blog.

Warning: I have a birthday of some significance coming up. I may just write about it next time. Homespun musings alert! If I do, you mustn't send me an e-mail birthday card, as the word is out on this being a method of spreading those evil viruses. Billy Crystal, Michael Caine, Quincy Jones, Albert Einstein and I all share the same birthday. I wonder what Billy, Michael, and Q are doing? Albert is doing the same thing he's done for nearly fifty years. I haven't firmed up my own plans yet, although Susan and I are thinking about each of us getting our hair cut that evening. Is this one of those first signs that one is an old fart? Getting a haircut becomes more important than doing something else, more celebratory, on one's birthday?

Oi vey!